Simplify, Simplify,

I know I have sort of abandoned you and I apologize. Things have been sort of insane since I got back from New York (which I will write about later) but I have missed you, I think I need you to sort out my head.


School has been alright. Things between me and H got really shaky, but we're alright, some things just never change and that is okay because I have other really good people in my life without which I don't know what I would do. I also have a boy, you can say we're dating. He's wonderful.


Last night we took a trip into the past summer and partied like crazy at Kate's. It was an amazing night, cheers to K, J, A (I know right?) and a few dozen other people that made the night perfect. We have the best positive energy, that's just the thing, we all go perfect together. 


A: I think you think about me all the time.
Me: Aahhahahahaaha. To be honest for the past two weeks I forgot you existed. Everytime I see you it's like "Whoah... I forgot about you, and you were a big part of my summer."
A:Well I'll be gone soon. 
Me: Yeah, people always leave.
A: Of course, it's just a matter of time.


There is just a tiny problem, I have huge bite marks on my shoulders, back, and neck. That spare room in Kate's house always holds the same stories.

back from NYC

it was beyond words. ill post everything i wrote down on the road later.

www.twitter.com/kateromanova

I gave in.

Follow me on Twitter.

True or false it may be, she's still out to get me

I never really talk about this. This state of mind, how it makes me feel.

I'm sitting here, my neck feels so hot. I'm hungry.
Forgetting all insecurities I have towards the world.

My heart is skipping beats. I need to relax.


Sue the spiders
Sink the Welsh
Stab your facebook
Sell sell sell
Undercooked
Overdone
Mass adulation not so funny
Poisoned honey
Pseudo science
Silly money
You're my honey 


I think I'm good, still just need to grab some food. Going to watch Entourage. Hmm back to the topic. I can't really describe this an emotional feeling anymore. It's become more physical. I can feel my heart beating, I can hear it to be more exact, but its like its racing between my rib cage and spinal cord. I can feel the blood in my veins moving, fast. Music is tickling my ears. If you play an old song that once made you euphoric, your mood will completely change and you'll feel amazing. I don't know if I can write more right now because I just want to lay down and fucking enjoy this.


Lots of love,
Kate.

What did I just do?

R called. 
"Come out, I'm standing in front of your house."


Why won't he leave me alone? I made it clear what I want last time things got too far. What I felt back in June is gone and what happened at 3 am on August 8th isn't supposed to happen again.


"Just come out, I'll buy you smokes."


We walk, hardly talk, I just walk looking at him as his music blasts out of his beats, his eyes are so red. I didn't tell you I saw him the other day too, before going to Kate's.


We lay on the grass, talking, he keeps moving closer and closer, takes my hand.


"Why do you do this?"
"Cause you're K.R." He leans in. "You've got that extra spice. I don't kiss girls. I just.. But all I wanna do is kiss you. We're in a parking lot, how far can we go in a parking lot? Obviously I just want to kiss you. Get at me over here."


I rolled one too many times today..

No big deal, just a kiss.

Fucking finally ahahhaha!


Last night was amazing. Today; terrible. 


Also mom told me I'm not going to New York with her... PARTY TIME?


A snapped at me yesterday.

Come on skinny love, just last the year.

6 Opiums and a Bloody Nose

I had an amazing night.


Everyone was at Kate's, we spent the most amazing evening together, even me and A are talking again and on great terms. So many photos...


We're driving back at 2:30 and the car breaks down. Why must this happen now? My mom is going to beat me to death.


And that is exactly what happened. Half to death. My phone is disconnected, she's screaming the same shit as always; move out, no one's ever going to love you, you're the worst person alive....ahhahahahaa.


K called the moment I turned my phone on, she asked if I was okay and if I needed anything, I just listened to her voice that seemed like it was so far away and thought about how lucky I am to have such a good friend like that. It's funny though, how I always pay attention to everyones problems, and then when something like this happens between me and my mom everyone just sort of freezes, and says they love me but can't fully relate. K, H, B, even I, all of them.
Where do I get strength from now?


The keys are so blurry.

Style; Entry # 1 ; Carven

Well first of all, everything has been great, have been with Kate for the past 48 hours, last night was wild... Trying to calm down now, picked up the fall's edition of "Holts" and came upon an entry about Guillaume Henry and his 'silhouettes enamored with Parisian charm, elegant simplicity and playful impertinence'. I usually don't even go near a Holts, but this was so pleasant to see.

  

I Need Your Heart, Because You're Always In the Right Place.

Talking to Z, he really helps. I ranted on for a bit how unfair it is that A is wasting time chopping some next bimbo while I'm here... 
Thank god, in the middle he just went;


"Where do you see yourself in ten years?"


I stopped, thinking yeah I have this answer I always had it but this time I was stuck. I'm not even sure anymore. I always wanted the beautiful city, the beautiful people, I wanted to travel and live with someone I loved. So I told him that. Then I added that none of that mattered as much my desire to be happy. 


He just said;
"Traveling, trying different weed and girls."
"But don't you want to find one that completes you? So you can discover everything together?"
"I've found out that relationships don't work for me. I just don't see myself in another one."
"But don't you think you're saying that only because you're so young? Every relationship is different, you can't let that one that ended badly make that decision for you."
"Words of wisdom, maybe one day I'll find somebody but I wouldn't mind living single forever."


I wish I could say that for myself, but I think I was born to love, or something.


Today felt lonely. Third day. K said she felt sick and is staying in all day, plus it was raining. I made plans with B and C but later on felt like staying in. Went on a walk, bought butts, coffee, got home to a family dinner, everyone on my stepdads side. O was there with her boyfriend. We went upstairs, got drunk and talked about relationships and the never-ending problems to do with them. I love talking.


Messaged Jesse, it was so out of nowhere, me and him went out for a couple of hours until really late, we talked about everything. I see him differently now. 

Infinite.

I just finished "The Perks of Being a Wallflower", like people said, it was amazing. It wasn't breathtaking like some books that made history, but it made me think, and it gave me a different perspective, which I really enjoyed. I like the feeling it gave me is what I'm trying to say. He worded things the way my brain words my thoughts in my head. I really loved it, I wish I lived during that time, too. It seems so beautiful in my kind of beautiful way. I wish it lasted longer than three days.


I feel good, I'm craving a bellie though, badly. I was with H yesterday and I literally killed myself over how badly I craved one. Just when I thought it would never happen.. Ahaha. I haven't done much in the past two days expect read and listen to people rant on about their lives. I like it. 
I'm going to cherry beach tomorrow with Kate and J and a few others I think.
She really became like my sister. Wednesday night we all went to Neverland. I've never been so open with anyone in my life, I've never felt so much love. 
I feel like she's an older sister, and we want a similar thing in our life, and we're sort of growing up together. Thats what it feels like. 


I'm also going to New York and Washington on the 2nd.. Dreams come true. 


I don't have anything else to say right now. But I'm smiling and about to go to hotbox my bathroom. 


Love always,
Kate.