How do you speak to a girl?

Methaphore.

I'll keep my eyes fixed on the sun.

In my life, I have seen people walk onto the sea, 
Just to find memories, plagues by constant mystery, their eyes cast down, fixed upon the ground.

i don't remember the last time I felt anything..

But this morning is a different story. As you may already be aware I've been out of my house for a couple of days now, going for about a week prior to this.. and it's not what I excpected. I'm happy.
I never excpected all this support, all this help, this family I have chosen outside the walls of my "home". They're proving you wrong mom. I've never been so greatful. For the first time I feel something, with tears on my face I'm sitting in the backseat of B's car while she's in Tim Hortons getting bagels.. I'm talking to Jay and she's saying how she's always here, because she knows I would always do the same for her, because I'm a great friend and its simple as that.
Alexx, you already kn,ow how I feel. Your house is like a sanctuary to me lately. This feeling of gratefulness, I will never forget it. This goes to everyone else who's been here in the past few days, S, E, K. I can't give up on humanity with friends like these.

two thousand years this chasing taking its toll..

How were Ben and I ever together? How did I accept him ever taking my hand? How did all that love feel natural? How did I stay up all night hoping for a letter and go to bed the happiest human alive after hours of pouring pints of tears over a single conversation. How did I ever love you? How did I ever love? How did you keep me alive? I still remember the first time we met, perfectly, and I still feel how you have changed my whole life. How you filled every void.. will I ever get a chance to feel that way again? Or do we get it once in a lifetime? Did I miss it.. That was my biggest fear. I hope you're alright wherever you are now, I hope you grow up to live in all the dreams we made up together. 

So in case you're wondering, I used to be a "lover" as well.

I used to write, I used to write letters, I used to sign my name.

Since the time we met, things have only changed

So I never wrote a letter, I never took my true heart, I never wrote it down.

So when the lights cut out, 

I was lost in the wilderness downtown,

Now our lives are changing fast.

Now it seems strange how we used to wait for letters to arrive.

Well like a patient on a table, I want to walk again.

this is pathetic

i give the fuck up
on everything
really
i give the fuck up
i guess ill focus on school
and fixing this fucking tattoo
but nothing else even matters anymore


here with taylor
thank god she's real
j outside the door i can hear him moving
do i open it?
no
he told me to go away
i dont know what to stand for anymore
i guess ill stand for the one thing i always stand for
my past

and whats up next door?
this isnt even real
this is just booze speaking

alone

but not really
i feel at home when i'm with friends
this is home
because this is where my heart is
i lost my home a long time ago

maybe he deserves a second chance

I mean I never really tried with O. He was just there. But he made things different, he made me forget the chaos of life, that is what's making me think of him now.. and in two months I know he'll have my back through anything. So I'll try again, maybe you and I can decorate your apartment, pick tableware, curtains, bedsheets.. We can cook..


"Maybe you're just missing what's infront of you" Can you give me a sign? 

"i love you, don't ever leave"

This isn't a story about overcoming mountains, this isn't a story of boy meets girl or friend into stranger, this isn't a story about self destruction or pity, this is not a story of sad or happy or getting there. 
This is a story about oxygen and how much I need it. The story about the whirlwind that forms in my head and heart when I take a breath, standing outside on a winter day under the black cloud of our atmosphere that scared me to this day. Its the chemicals in the air, the fireworks inside of me. Its not excitement, or a laugh, or even love. Its understanding, its my universe. Understand something and it will understand you. The way I found these wires from me to you Alexx, the way J found them from him to S. This way is our planet and I. Even if its not all too clear right now I know somewhere in my head it is. We're here, this is our home, lesson three; embrace it all.

Meh ahaha.

I'm smiling. Yes, tonight was really good, I think. It feels like it was so long ago already maybe I'm just tired..

• You're an amazing boy. You're such a beautiful person, and you keep surprising me with every word. It's just enlightening, if we had maybe three more of you in that room tonight this world would have already become a better place. I really like what you said about your ex. that made me really happy to realize there are still men with hearts like yours out there. Stay gold.
• I love ya, B. 
• Everyone surprised me tonight. In the most wonderful way possible. Thanks for all your words, I'm glad we've all grown so much.
• I miss you, P.

I'm building something.. and this vision, this vision is breathtaking.