"me and my latest boy decided to go our separate ways" why did you separate

umm... in the period of about three weeks i fell really deep into it and it just didnt fulfill my needs. i was too in love with what could have been but not what we actually had. im still not completely sure why it ended, i guess we gave up.

Ask me anything

Happy Fathers Day...

Eleven years have gone so fast.

Day to day I never realize how much I need you. How lost I am without you. How hard I try to find a man to replace the security you once gave me. 

I try so hard to remember you. The time I could actually think of and say "Those were the good times"

Save a place in heaven, till the next time we meet, forever.

Cause I'm a space-bound rocketship and your heart's the moon, 250, 000 miles and a clear night in June, and I'm so lost without you.

wow

im really into you

"Take Care of Yourself"

Wayne, he always tells me that. Every time I tell him what is wrong, everytime I walk away with disappointment written across my face. Just take care of yourself. Because who else will?

"80% of people don't care, the other 20% are happy you have those problems"

Is that really how it is? Cause that is what is has always been. I remember I was nine years old and I told my mom that in reality no one cares about anyone and everyone will always put themselves first. Even when you are putting another person over yourself it is for your own satisfaction. Your own good. Ahh whatever.

The past week has been good. Captain Blacks, coffee and friends. A boy, who I thought was leaving my life in August is here for another half a year. I'm happy. Except for the fact that my mom can't see me with him.

Then there's someone else who makes me feel like things are complete. Makes me smile, he's beautiful. But it's the same case with him. Here it goes again; freedom? What is that?

I hope I see Bailey this weekend. I need a good drink and a good friend.

Whoah.

So the party last night seemed to be one of the best nights of my life until this morning when two ex friends of mine decided to break out with their shitty emotions and turn against me. Lay off the drugs instead please. Either way, I had an amazing night. I love my friends. And cheers to Sophie and Alex who especially made my night wonderful.


Today is good too, with my girls and a few others. I really don't need anyone. I'm fine. Everything is just fine.

This shit is actually crazy

Aight
Ginger Ale and Vodka;
I'm ready to write at last, it's been such a block lately.. Such a mess.


It's been so hard lately, I seem alright but right now.. Like, in this moment, in these moments I always stop and think; what am I doing? Why do I feel like this? Why?


I'm a bit caught in between two.
One makes me happy,
One intrigues me.
I know what's good for me, but I always go for the one that's harder to get... 


I'm trying to tell you what's going on inside of me, I don't know why. And I know you feel it, I can see it in your smile, your eyes, I haven't seen you in three hours and I already miss you. You make me smile. I want you to be mine. So we got into these conversations, into eachother, but all that shit has been replaced with all the physical attraction, and when you pick me up and I'm wrapped around you, I just forget everything. 


Life's got to be like this, just relax, and reach over and hit the lights please, for now everything just seems so right, and how you make the darkness feel so bright? Feeling like things going to be alright.

Summer breeze brings changes

I have been spending a lot of time with people from my school. There's a man on the scene. Friday night I went out with a few friends to a party pretty close to my house, just as I did last weekend. Yesterday I spent my evening with Ela and the boy. Well- Ela first, then the boy.


There are about four weeks left of school, I have nothing accomplished and I'm behind in my work. My life is going amazing though. I got a call from Russia yesterday; an old friend asking about when I'll be coming down. July, I'm going to go back to the place where I grew up. I have a crazy nostalgic feeling about it. I'm a bit scared.


There's a party tonight, my friend Kait and Katie are taking me. Memories.

Even my mama thinks that my mind is gone..

Yesterday;


Michael Sarra;
I used to be so close to you. We actually shared lots of memories even if I blocked a lot of last year out. Youre a good person, and what happened to you, I don't really think you deserved.
No one even thinks these fights in Suburbia happen, but they do. Your face drenched in blood, you looked at me as if you hated me my whole life.


If someone comes up to you, stronger than you, with no good motives, you got no choice but to get hurt, but you have a choice to not lose your pride, right? Get beat, but don't kiss anyone's shoes. Kiss their shoe-and you deserved it.

Hey..Lady in the hall? Can you tell these people what I stand for?

I stumbled upon a few photos of a guy I was with back in October, he can't even be labeled as an ex, but his face looked so familiar in such a warm, welcoming way.. The way I don't see any other guy that I have actually called "boyfriend". I don't know. Maybe because I was there when the photos were taken, maybe not, I guess I miss him. A month ago he said we were meant to be.. I didn't even respond.

I never liked you

This is why I don't even think about you, this is why I'm not sad that we're done.


I hate the smell of your skin, I hate your lips, your tongue, your eyes. I hate your hair. I hate, oh my god, I hate your voice so much. I hate your attitude. The only good thing about you-your smile, and your touch. Both became overrated. I can't even stand you right now.