Thursday, December 16, 2010


Mom.. I need three appointments.
Psychologist. Oh, you already made one? Alright..
Family doctors. I want meds. I want to be able to focus on my work.. I can't focus on anything.  I don't remember the last time I was able to keep still on one train of thought. I can't get to a solution this way, this whirlwind won't settle. It didn't use to be like this. I remember standing in my shower with the water hitting my face and being completely capable of forming clear thoughts and being capable of realizing reasons and causes. I was able to resolve my own problems and I knew why B felt the way he felt about us. That's why me and B were so flawless, I always kept an organized mind when it came to him and I. When did I lose it? This was two years ago. Now I'm staring at this page and I don't even remember all the things I was just about to write down. So I'm blaming it on ADD. I'm on my way to the doctor's office. Maybe she can fix me. That all I want- clarity.
Then I'm back to school to fail a test. I have been very sick, and this trying to get better has gotten in the way of this one subject that everyone in my family has always taken very seriously. Things were going good.. I hope I don't make the same mistakes I made last year. Don't forget your roots...

I get to see you today. I hope I don't burst into tears or anything ahaha.. But then again I hope I'm capable of feelings. What am I saying, of course I am.. I just forgot what it feels like when you're next to me. My memory span extends to a couple of hours.

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