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Is this giving up? I don't know where my mind is at all these days. It's hard to talk to people, it's hard not to talk to people. I can't go to school anymore. I can't walk in and see everyone. I don't know what to do. For once in my life I don't know. I called B's school today and explained them the situation and gave them the information but they said it will be hard at this time. I think I'll do anything it takes. But when I get there, what will happen? I will get up at 6 in the morning, pull on my clothes and head over there to bury myself in the books and the coffee, will I be happy? I feel excited. I have a good feeling though. Like B said I need a new start, and I was told not to run away from problems and I haven't. Really, I have been facing my problems face to face for the past two weeks but it's been enough. I'm going through what feels like hell and I can't put up with everything at once, call me a wimp. 

 "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

I disagree on so many levels. Because every struggle that hasn't killed me has messed up my head. Now I'm just confused. I know what I want but I don't know where all these feelings are coming from. It's scary sometimes. But we all agreed, things will get better. Because really, Kate, how many times have you felt like this? It's been worse, you didn't know what to do back then either. Then you said yourself how it's amazing what time can do. How much it can make things not matter. So let's just wait.

I don't know what to do about A. I know I lost him now, but I think for the right reasons. I can't fake happy, and living in the past is how I keep my point of view. You told me to just live in the moment and focus on now and not what happened yesterday or what might happen tomorrow. I hope you know how much that helped and how much I appreciate you being there for the little amount of time that I have known you. It's just that you met me at a very strange time in my life. People are hardly what you think they are when you meet them, but I think you're wonderful and deserve someone equally wonderful. I can't collect my mind to think of anything else to say to you right now. Just know I think of you.

Find meaning in the struggle.