Burning feeling in the pit of my stomach

So it's friday... I have a party to go to today with Michael, Rachel and Jeff and I don't even know if I feel like it. Not because I don't want to go but because my mom is acting like shes been taking crazy pills again. Fuck everything, why can't I be free. This bullshit has to happen at least once a month at a minimum. I'm scared to go. Scared to come back and face consiquences. It will have to be a sober night. But hell- I don't want to be sober.

Sitting in class. Friday hot afternoon. Sticky 1997 computer keyboard. Down the row from me-the boy I was once madly in infatuated with. Oh, he's calling me over. He wants me to show him how to open msn. "Is this why you called me over?" "No but.." "I don't fucking know."

I want to see Michael. I was with him yesterday. It was amazing. We spent about three hours on a hill at a park two steps east from yonge and sheppard. I miss him like hell. I  just want to be with him, all the time, everywhere. But I want to be free.

Bailey- 10 pm viva rides with a whole wheat bagel and cheese. You make my life. You keep me on the ground. A liter of coffee and I'm sleeping only to wake up and feel like somone beat me up. Oh also- I found out I can weigh 106 pounds, and that's standing at about 5'8 and be completely healthy. I would love to!

I'll update more later on how tonight goes.

For now, smokes with Helena. Well- no smokes for us. When will I get to sketch my own life and paint it all over the world with my own paintbrush?