I said fuck it!

I'm not gonna drown in this pool of pityfull lives, get pebbles of sorrow and anger thrown at me as I sink. I am a lot stronger than that and I'll prove it. I can overcome it and I will be fantastic at it. Fuck Kate why are you being such a fucking pussy? You've handled one of the worlds biggest shits in your life and now your biggest struggle is a bottle? Ahahhahahaa its beyond pathetic. As this ship sinks, I'm not going to allow myself to get pulled under with everyone else aboard. I don't need this escape. know all these emotions have become overwhelming but fuck it! I want them all to come at once , I want a hurricane because know i can take it as I have before. I can see now, how clear it was all to me two weeks ago, and how quickly that clarity can be taken away, this is a self destructive coping strategy, some of us have a lot of grief and feelings far away inside of us, and there is that little subconscious guilt because of trauma or loss, it's as if we punish our self through this disgusting self destructive behavior. Why don't I know that my personality is just being developed, we are way too fragile.
Balance. Balance. Balance. This is a virus, it's confusion, I have been swimming since 3, I'm not stopping now.