Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I remember when our voices used to sound the same..

Why does everyone always assume I don't date? Why are my friends surprised to know I can actually
love and commit to a male? 
I can, it's just hard for me to find that something special in a person after what I've had with my ex in the past. I'm not looking for something like it, or something better, I'm just looking for something different. So I guess I don't date, because I haven't seen this specific thing I'd like to have. I've stopped looking, and I've been happier, I don't really have that void that was there anymore, or at least I don't feel it anymore. 
I have a few guy friends who I know, I mean- I know about their lives and I can guess what they're going to say next, I've spent a lot of time with them but I can't say it's been enough to KNOW them the way I knew my ex.
That's what I want I guess. Simplicity, but in a very beautiful way. I just want someone I can go out with and exchange understanding glances with. To know we're thinking the same thing or at least to know what they're thinking. Something easy that I don't have to stress about, with no pressure or worries. But do those relationships exist? If I can imagine them, I guess they do. Sometimes I just want someone who's hand I can hold and call them mine. Someone who can come over and cook with me, someone I can lay in bed with and talk for hours. Someone who will go places with me, someone I can take pictures of ahahaha. A little speck of light in my life. Someone who knows how to make good coffee. 
Someone who is possibly in front of me. The issue is the effort to get to where I want to get with them. The issue is that I gave up on putting in that effort. I'm just waiting for someone to make a move. 

But nah, I can wait. I don't think it will be real until I turn twenty-five.

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