where is my mind

My heart's racing again, I'm forgetting to breathe..
I'm just beginning to learn how my brain has this way to block out memories and store them in the back of my head, but just because I forget about it doesn't mean it doesn't eat at me..
Both mine and K's eyes rolled up with tears and flashbacks of August spread across the rear view window, the night that changed, or I could now say scarred me for a long time.


It was a dream, a beautiful dream. 
I remember everything. Kate held my hand, Marko held my hand. I told them everything. Everything because it needed to be said. Because it's safe with them. He told me we're a family, and his smile came at me in thousands of waves, spread across my cheeks, and out into the rest of my world, to let me know there is still love for me. He told me he would be there. He promised to keep her, because without her this dream would be incomplete. For one evening, nothing in the world mattered, and everything made sense. Submerged in a world of my own. My perfect dream, a fool's paradise where every sound made me ecstatic. Chemicals. That night I found a new family, that night I stayed up in my shower until the sunlight grasping my heart praying to stay alive.


With your feet in the air and your head on the ground

Try this trick and spin it
Your head will collapse
If there's nothing in it
And you'll ask yourself
Where is my mind?


What happened to you? What happened to us? What was once golden faded with every long night. 
But none of this matters anymore, because I put the past aside a while ago.
I'm sitting in the front seat of D's car with a familiar song blaring from the speakers into the cold night. I wake up. This moment, G's hand in mine, this is exactly what I felt seven months ago hearing it for the first time and once again.. Nothing matters. I lean back as he grips my arm tighter and I feel the blush rushing to my brain, here, I am in a world of my own. A world I checked out of  a long time ago, but I never left.

Click.