S. Levy.

Walking down the old carpeted hall way of my shrinks apartment, feeling as my life and memories are slowly falling into place. Like the little "sub" fish of my conscience is finally floating on the surface. She said I have to find you. Whatever it takes, I need to speak to you, I need to find you because you made me who I am today, you're the one who's preventing me from progressing. You're the source of all the grief, love. Clinical grief.

I can find you, its not impossible though it has seemed this way for the past two years. Has it been two years? The kid in the mirror I knew two years ago could comprehend and feel a lot more than the kid I know today. I've lost count, but time only existed when you were around. Time was just around to help me sort out the chaos of the emotions and events that occurred the day we met, and during the years we knew each other, adrenaline pumping through our veins, rushing to our hearts and out our fingertips.. Most of all, time is here to ease the hell that took over after you packed up your whole life with me, our friends and this city, leaving space only for self-pity and amphetamines. That day you packed up all my ability to love and be loved. You know, I've been wondering, what is it that's wrong with me that won't let me be happy with anyone else? I never thought it was you until this day. I'm hitting these keys so hard, I haven't been this angry in a long time, this is as cliche as every other movie I could relate my life to. But I'm also ecstatic, because I want to move on. I hate myself for not realizing this sooner, I hate myself because I look for you in every face I meet. I hate myself because I search for you in every crowd I get lost in. Only unfamiliar places give me hope, since your presence left all the familiar ones. You left me with nothing but memories and the fear to ever love anyone except you. This fear that I thought was just a disability. Today I'm able. 

But I will speak to you again. I will find you before you find me. I will send you all the unsent emails, and you will know all the details of the past two years. You will feel what I've felt. This is what has been missing all along; the lack of closure. I need you now, because you've never left my mind until this day and I cannot continue living this way, I need you to know, because once you do, both of us can move on. I need our fishbowl to break.