Is This All a Dream?

I've wanted to write about this for a while now, but it's been hard to sit down and focus with everything that has been happenning..
With this sobriety and with this happy fix I have with my friends, living through life every day has become more like drifting through an ocean. Diving deep, it's so beautiful. An ocean somewhere deep inside my mind, somewhere in my dreams. Maybe I'm just tired. When you're suffering from a lack of sleep everything seems like a dream. Maybe it's my mind trying to block out how I'm really supposed to feel going through this.

Hmm, yeah I never talked to anyone about this. I just said it's really difficult. I was on a straight path through-out the break and then I felt New Years just pushing me off that path. Thank god it was New Years, I guess I never even realized how much all those nights pushed me around, and that was almost every night.. I'm gonna hold on. I finally know what addiction is.

As for drugs, my impression is that their effect was almost completely negative, simply removing people from meaningful struggle and engagement. Just the other day I was sitting in a radio studio waiting for a satellite arrangement abroad to be set up. The engineers were putting together interviews with Bob Dylan from about 1966-7 or so (judging by the references), and I was listening (I'd never heard him talk before -- if you can call that talking). He sounded as though he was so drugged he was barely coherent, but the message got through clearly enough through the haze. He said over and over that he'd been through all of this protest thing, realized it was nonsense, and that the only thing that was important was to live his own life happily and freely, not to "mess around with other people's lives" by working for civil and human rights, ending war and poverty, etc. He was asked what he thought about the Berkeley "free speech movement" and said that he didn't understand it. He said something like: "I have free speech, I can do what I want, so it has nothing to do with me. Period." If the capitalist PR machine [term used in the question] wanted to invent someone for their purposes, they couldn't have made a better choice.

                                                                     -Noam Chomsky

But now I don't have this. What do I have? I have you, but I need something to take this anger out on. I think I'm in love, so I'm back to day 1.