My Life Be Like

What the fuck has this past year been like?


I just got home from yet another party and yet again I feel like shit. I always went for the wrong men. Wait, not always, just the past year. There is a knife in my spine and it keeps twisting, I keep trying to think of who exactly is holding it just to forget that it's my own hand. 


I don't remember what love feels like.


Two years ago I was madly in love and it was so pure and real, now I brought myself into a world of needy feelings and month long "relationships". 


I miss, more than anything in the world, the feeling of having that "one" for me. That one person  who I unconditionally love, that knows me inside and out and I feel completely secure about. 


Nothing about unanswered texts,
Nothing about not knowing how they feel about you,
Nothing about wanting to kill myself every morning


This is such a pathetic entry!
I cant even write anymore!
Hold a fucking gun to my head and I won't be able to give you a decent piece of writing. 
Why do I let people see me in this light?


I was so happy a few hours ago.. 
Where is my mind,
What am I doing
what am i doing
what am i doing
what am i doing
what am i doing
what am i doing


every noise, every cell of this computer screen that lights up this room, every breath, everything hurts 


I can't even breathe, I'm so sick.