Day 1

A year later I'm giving it another go.

I don't know how you can hurt someone you say you love and drive away. We have maybe two days left, with all this time all to ourselves and you choose leave. On the night when we're both free to be together you choose to leave and be alone. Instead of making your wrongs right. With no concern of how I might feel, you left me all alone. I deserve better. I can wait for better. I've been alone before, I think I can do it again.

Sunny Destination

Spent a week alone with D. in my favourite, Latin America.
Nothing met my expectations, but that isn't new for someone with my imagination.

Once again I'm home after a long flight, with that same feeling of longing and loneliness that no matter how hard I try I cannot escape.

Don't make me sad, don't make me cry
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough
I don't know why
Keep making me laugh,
Let's go get high
The road is long, we carry on
Try to have fun in the meantime

Come and take a walk on the wild side
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girls insane

and i know it aint as deep as it could be, or as it would it be but thats how it should be, cause over time, we going to be fine like wine

Trouble in Paradise

I thought by dating someone older I was ridding myself of all the second-guessing games. I thought when in true love my paranoia could rest easy. But here I am, laying in my bed, with my eyes wide open in so called love, trying everything in the book to put myself to sleep because I am too anxious, scared, and angry. Why are you doing this to me? I thought by taking the plunge and entering this relationship I had made sure I would never feel that weight on my chest, that shortage of breath a nd that haviness behind my eyes ever again. Maybe I don't understand love, maybe I'm too weak for it.

Because I felt my world collapsing for six hours.. six hours while he was... sleeping.

snejinka

The snow is already falling,
It took so long to come but in my mind it rushed,
In my mind it was just yesterday that I was under my Turkish sun,
My bronze skin and salty air,
Just yesterday it was pricking so much to leave.
I would give anything for that feeling,
But it's already snowing,
Seasons change too fast,
I hope I can get through this winter with something to look forward to.

August 2011...

I’m not an outgoing person either, it’s hard for me to find people who I think are interesting or people who understand me. Also I have a hard time explaining my feelings to others so I prefer to avoid feeling anything at all. I don’t understand my own feelings, and that is why I felt so hesitant. I am afraid of what I might feel when I am on a plane for three hours. I don’t like Canada because I haven’t been truly happy since I left Russia 8 years ago. But every time I go overseas, I find happiness. I hope you understand that I wanted to stay with you longer but unfortunately the happier I am here in Turkey, the sadder I will be when I go back to Canada. That is my problem and I am sorry. This is why I don’t let myself get too happy, because I am afraid of how I will feel when it’s over. 

It's only been three months yet it feels like years. 
Time flies, making me fear the thought that my life may seem too short if I spend it in love.
But this is how I intend to.
It's good and getting better.
Knock knock knock.

Reset

I'll be your wall, you are my destiny 
Be with me, and be yourself.
You are mine, you are collected.
I'll Be your dream, build a house for you,
Be with me, and be simple.
You are my ... modern one.
I'll Be your hero, and you my star,
Be with me, sing with soul.
You are my ... feminine.
All that was before me, reset
Life is a sea, we'll go diving.
Just you go ahead, trust me,
And we'll teleport straight to heaven.
You are the one who is beating in my chest ...
And I'm flying.
Here is such a dumb chorus of my love.
For you..
In addition to your curlers, there is the human world,
Be mine, welcome our guests in.
You are my ... unpredictable.
Ahead are many days, and together we are stronger.
Be mine, stop caring about everything.
You are mine... so unreal.
We have a parallel, and at the bottom of a lot of stones,
Be mine, among these seas.
You are my ... you're the one.
All that was before me, reset.
Life is a sea, we'll go diving.
Just you go ahead, trust me,
And we'll teleport straight to heaven.
You are the one of who is beating in my chest ...
And I'm flying.
Here is such a dumb chorus of my love.
For you.