"I knew I hadn't met my match,
But every moment we could snatch,
I don't know why I got so attached"

"You can't be wise and in love at the same time"

This is what I am very afraid of; can being highly knowledgeable and understanding prevent me from being happy in love?  Can I not have the two joys in life at the same time? The two I consider necessities for happiness?

To be understanding and to love. I hope to make this possible the day I find a way to love without letting it cloud my mind.

Today I walked around a town that I used to be home for many years, with a best friend whom I saw today for the first time in 7 years. As we walked and I listened to her talk about her subject of affection I realized I couldn’t use my country of residence to explain my misunderstanding of modern day relationships. Today I learned that games are being played across the ocean too, even more brutally in my country of origin. Maybe when watching movies that end with a fairytale, I miss all the step work required for a fairytale ending because it was left out when the director tried to shove the plot into a time frame of two hours. I know that in many lives, people achieved happiness through hard work, while having one without the other is considered a sin. There as I listened to my friend try and build up the courage to vocalize her feelings towards an emotionally unavailable boy, I realized it really is time to practice what I preach. I don't have to play a game I don't like as long as I have an excellent goalie. 

Epiphany

In The Way We Were Hubble is madly in love with Katie but cant be with her because she's too complicated and she has wild curly so he leaves her and marries this simple girl, with straight hair.


I just had an epiphany, The world is made up of two types of women. The simple girls and the Katie girls. I'm a Katie girl.


-Your girl is lovely, Hubbell.


-I don't get it.


-And you never did.


Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with.

Mental Melt-Down

This night is way too similar to one four and a half years ago filled with flashing red lights circling the house and broken tea cups and distant family members who's lives you wouldn't mind taking with your own hand. Don't people understand that if they were once not there for someone at a time of need they cannot just return into that person's life years later expecting to start over on a blank slate? Even more, they cannot do so on a second try, this whole second chance thing makes the situation even more frustrating. 
Age has always been an issue to me. I don't understand who created this whole theory where people are judged by the number of seasons they've lived through, it's always been burning at the tip of my tongue. Maybe I am just speaking from a teenager's perspective, but I've heard enough boomers speak of it. How can a woman that spent her whole 50 year old life sawing pictures of flowers and never worked a day in her life be considered of higher social standing than a twenty-one year old university graduate? The university graduate has lived through multiple losses and has been in love, while the old maid with a divorce has never attended a funeral? How can this woman raise a hand or ever open her mouth to try and make the girl clean up all the broken tea-cups? 
So what can save an insane person if a psychologist cant? Love? Sobriety? Books? I think being alone far far away might.

The more you know who you are and what you know, the less you let things upset you.

I've Crossed the Ocean for a Heart of Gold.

I've got a day and a half, a few moments on this country's soil and then I'm off, over the sea, over the countries I've walked on years ago and onto the gold French land. I am happy to have grown up, to have the ability to accept change as it is. To realize just how easy you can turn your whole life around, how easy it is to escape. Worst of all, how strange and painful it is to let go. All the anxiety and other poisonous feelings that have been harvesting inside my head for a long time, always seize to exist in an airplane over the sea. To be surrounded by some of the best people you have ever met, in a place that does an amazing job at accommodating who you are, I’ve always been good at saying fuck realism and just be happy. I wish you were all with me when I got off that plane. I wish you could meet me at my happiest. I wish all these amazing people I have met in Toronto could join me in a place where we can all be our happiest for no reason whatsoever. 

Hopeless Romantic

This has become such an obstacle in my life. In fact, this whole attachment issue is the only thing keeping me from being whatever I want to be. Despite how mush I read and how much I study people, and even knowing the fact that none of these boys will ever be any good for me, I have no control over my feelings.
Thank you world for your endless attempts to try and bury the idea that love exists. 
Thank you science for explaining that it is nothing more than a chemical reaction inside your brain. 
Thanks to all those friends who died over it.
Thanks to all those times love stood right in front of me and I ran the other way..
Thank you fear.


Despite all of this, the biggest thank you goes to the fact that I have still not given up on it. This makes me want to beat the living crap out of myself. This makes me want to lock myself up, far far away, maybe an ocean over. This makes me want to wake up next to you, and breathe in that familiar smell, every morning, every middle-of-the-night. Feeling my world shift every time I look at you, and never the need for a single word. 
I've gone insane, who the fuck feels so much just imagining being in love? I need to move, there must be a reason why Europeans get married sooner.


Some people think that it's best to refrain from conventions of old fashioned love, their lives filled with holes and emptiness, they tell themselves that they're too young to settle down, but I promise that I'm older now.
And when the hardest part is over we'll be here, and our dreams will break the boundaries of our fears.

pull your little arrows out and let me live my life

I was meant to be born as a male, and right now I am sure of it.
Romeo or something, hopeless romantic.
What do I do now?

Please don't think that I don't care, I really do, I just dread expressing myself to you.

Dean: In my experience, the prettier a girl is, the more nuts she is, which makes you insane. 
Cindy: I like how you can compliment and insult somebody at the same time, in equal measure.

do me a favour and hit me as hard as you can

You keep thinking about the fact that there are people you can call when you're hanging out on the 8th floor but tonight I realized that there are moments when you don't have the will or power to pick up the phone and dial a number, not even that you can't begin to attempt and explain why you feel this way.
I know there are enough words to explain this feeling but I don't know those words so I just sit here drowning in it.
Sometimes I would give anything to make you feel what I feel right now but the second after I realize I don't want to put you through anything worse than great.
There's blue flowers and there are sheets and they're so soft and S keeps asking me if I feel better and I keep smiling at her.
But I don't know how long this will last,
I keep reading about people feeling somewhat like this and I joke about it but I don't realize that they can be gone tomorrow.
And now you're gone.
But that's just me, overly emotional, ladeda word word word word.